“what should we name him??”
a family compromise.
no one cedes an inch.
Have you ever found out that you’ve been objectively wrong about something you thought you understood… long after the fact?
A number of years ago, I recorded and distributed a training to my team. In this training, I referred to a specific screenshot as “the money shot.” I was 1000% ignorant to the pornographic implications of this phrase until a teammate texted me “omg. did you say you sent this to the whole global team??”
I also spent a fair amount of time telling people I had gotten “shanked” in high school. Shanked, in fact, before 2nd hour Spanish class even began. As it turns out, most people hear “shanked” and think someone attacked me with some kind of homemade shiv, whereas what I meant was “pantsed” because I was wearing my swim team’s sweatpants for meet day that made me an easy target.
Suffice it to say, there have been enough of these types of revelations that it has made me humble to the fact that many of us walk around assuming we understand things, only to find out we genuinely do not.
5 more moments of revelation from this past year:
- Eggnog is traditionally an alcoholic beverage. I always heard those “so-and-so must’ve had too much eggnog at the holiday party!” comments and thought… ugh, yes; it’s such a rich drink.
- “Para bailar la Bamba.” For the many years singing this song’s timeless hook, I sang it as “baila baila baila bamba.”
- You can adjust your seat belt height. You should’ve seen my face when my (short in stature) cousin casually shifted her seat belt height.
- This symbol: ^. I long thought it was called a “carrot,” and in my head it was something related to the shape of a carrot emerging from the dirt (?). Turns out it’s a “caret.” For as long as I ever referred to this symbol verbally, no one would’ve known the difference.
- The “em dash” vs “en dash” vs “hyphen.” As a profligate user of the em dash, I’m glad I actually have an explanation for this writing tool I’ve otherwise evidently just stumbled into.
A lesson in humility. You never know when you don’t know what you think you know.
Over the weekend, my lifelong friend, Marissa, texted me:
“What kinda stuff did you get the boys for Christmas? My kids do not need more Legos or vehicles of any kind.”
I feel this. After the excitement of the holidays and the joy of gifting to little kids who are so easy to please simply with the novelty of any new toy, moms across the world stare dejectedly at their once-attempted toy storage solutions, realizing they are nowhere near up to the task. What are the gifts that are not simply going to be new versions of things they already have, or difficult to store or keep organized together, or be used for 30 minutes and then put in a toy donation box by next holiday season after we have proven countless times that none of us can reliably keep track of the USB charger specific to this RC toy??
My response to Marissa:
- Our big ticket item for the boys to share: a Melissa and Doug play store (but purchased on sale awhile back from a retailer). Our boys are obsessed with commerce this past year and setting up “shops” where they sell their brothers’ toys back to them. Apart from a few other books or games, we’re going light on gifts, but here are a few other ideas:
- Eric Carle and Bombas did a cute collaboration, or last year I got the boys Bombas slippers for the winter
- Scratch and sketch games and puzzle books
- These darling kids’ wallets (see point 1)
- Books you can’t rent from the library that speak to your kids’ passions, like the Ultimate Construction Site Book for A, or a sensory “Poke a Dot” book for C, who loves chiming in with “EIEIO” when someone starts “Old MacDonald”
- Games! J is eager to start playing Catan with us, and we’ve gotten a lot of hours from classics like Battleship, or this fun cooperative game, Outfoxed!
- Stocking stuffers: I always go with Mr. Bubbles and other bath supplies (foam soap, bath crackles) in the “consumable” vein
Any other brilliant ideas, please comment below!
Happy holidays and godspeed to anyone still trying to conduct covert toy purges without their children noticing.
Related: 2021 Christmas gift ‘hit list’ // when you need a toy purge so badly that you spend your precious adult time conducting one.
On the topic of kids’ allowances, I wish I had a stronger opinion about its purpose and value. Should it be associated with their contributions to the household workload? Should it be correlated to academic achievement? Should it be provided irrespective of a child’s actions entirely, an exercise in and of itself to promote financial education and responsibility?
There’s benefit in any number of scenarios, but in our home, we ultimately opted for the 3rd value proposition of financial savviness facilitated by a weekly allowance starting when the boys are young. The weekly amount is split equally into 3 parts: money to spend, money to save (college funds), and money to give. We therefore close the year by offering them 3 nonprofit options for which they may donate their “give” funds.
Before they’re old enough to start making their own suggestions, here’s what we had on this year’s menu:
- Clean Air Task Force: this US-based NGO has a strong track record of success in campaigns reducing pollution, limiting CO2 emissions, and establishing regulations for the long-term benefit of the climate. More than that, it conducts high quality research, targets emission or decarbonization efforts often neglected by other organizations, and has been expanding to operate in global markets. Importantly: about 35% of climate philanthropy goes to the US and 10% to Europe, which together represent only ~15% of future emissions. China gets <6% of global climate philanthropy, despite being the world’s largest emitter.
We voiced over to the boys as “this is a really effective organization that works to protect the planet and ensure there’s a healthy climate for all of us for years to come.” - Everytown for Gun Safety: what started as a grassroots movement has grown into 10 million supporters. The goal is simple: save lives by ending gun violence in America through research, policy, litigation, and advocacy. I hesitated to include this one. My desire is to shield my sons for as long as possible from this topic. But our local high schools – like many others by now – recently resigned themselves to changing student bathroom policies (reduced access, increased surveillance) after several consecutive weeks of shut-downs and event cancellations following school shooter threats found in the restrooms. Dave and I ultimately decided this gun safety is an issue that will (does) affect their lives in a very direct way, and it seems fair to give them an option to advocate for change.
We voiced over as “this group aims to create and promote more common sense gun policies that keep people safe.” - C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital: the #1 children’s hospital in Michigan, among the nation’s best overall, top 10 in the country for pediatric cardiology and heart surgery, and a teaching hospital promoting increasing expertise supporting children for years to come through learning and research. When we thought about causes that would speak to our sons, children’s medicine ranked high — and “Mott’s” is the perfect combination of causes, efficacy, and “in your own backyard.”
We voiced this over as “Do you guys remember when O went to the hospital last year? Well, that hospital is among the best in the country taking care of kids who are sick or hurt, and also conducts really valuable research about medicine and ways to prevent sicknesses for kids.”
Not surprisingly, all causes were so compelling that the boys opted to split their funds and contribute to all 3. It may still be a bit beyond them to conceptualize what it means to “donate” to these organizations, but it certainly does my mother’s heart good to know my kids have contributed – however generally – to causes that protect their futures.
