I finish making dinner tonight and look over to see that A has helped himself to a snack as he waited. *Face palm*
Indiscriminate consumption of apples: what does this remind me of?
Adam and Eve? Snow White’s bait? The catalyst of the Trojan War??
No… These trouble-filled stories are too on the nose, even for A.
Let’s go with this:
A haiku inspired by our toddler who evidently maintains an impenetrable immune system:
an apple each day
keeps the doctor away, so
of course he tests neg.
I find myself optimistically clicking these ads after conducting this search.
- I told my children they could only eat one chocolate covered strawberry after dinner. I then hid in the pantry and consumed seven.
- I texted the sentence “that playground was dope” without an ounce of irony.
- I considered (no, really) writing a love letter to my new toaster. But come on, just look at her!
For posterity’s sake, a gift guide for the winners from Christmas 2021:
For your…
- — Husband who is impossible to buy for: pajama pants that are so good that you buy a pair in size S for yourself after the holidays.
- — Small children who need autonomy in entertainment but certainly less screen-time: a Yoto player and cards! Our boys love them for bedtime stories, long car rides, or simply having on while they’re building Legos. (Aside: because this is a UK-based product, J now delivers the punchlines he learned from this joke card in an English accent.)
- — Baby who lives a life in hand-me-downs: a NogginStik, brand new for him because his brothers loved theirs so much that they wore them all out.
- — Boys’ “bro” room (read: 2 x bunk bed sets for maximum efficiency as they grow): a fitting pillow.
- — Dad who is impossible to buy for: the best sweatpants to dress up or down. (See the trend here?)
- — Mom who sets a beautiful table and is truly the mostess hostess: a beautiful charcuterie plank.
- — Sister who adores her Sunday morning pancakes breakfast with her son: gourmet pancake mix and a batter bowl.
- — Nephew who adores anything he does with his mom: a play pancake set.
- — Brother who is short of stature but long in opinions about fit of clothing: Peter Manning NYC cotton pullover.
- — New nieces who live afar but ought to know all of their cousins favorite books: Alphablock, Baby Faces, Little Excavator.
- — Favorite neighbors and friends: Prindables apples & sweets gift sets.
- — Stockings in need of stuffing: Mr. Bubbles, bakugan balls, & kid bath bombs.
- — And finally, if you can believe it, a Santa supplied statement that I’d surely never be bold enough to make on my own:
A is our resident instigator. He’s 2.5 years old now, and in the span of 1 week, he covertly switched the dryer settings to “air fluff” (causing a minor panic as our loads kept coming out damp and we were sure we’d need to get a repair scheduled ASAP), snaked my mom’s vaccination card from her purse (which she didn’t discover until getting ready to go to the theater where she needed her proof of vaccination for entry), and changed the temperature settings on our home hub to 50*.
To better illustrate the type of ‘tude this tot often rocks, I present the 2nd episode of “overheard,” this time featuring snippets of A during our recent long drives:
*****
(25 minutes into a 10 hour drive, after having spotted the tiniest glimpse of a Pringles can)
“I just want the chips. I just want the chips. I just want the chips.”
(Repeat for 10 minutes straight in toddler bass vocal range.)
*****
(Practicing how to politely interrupt)
A: excuse me?
Dave: yes, A?
A: don’t talk to me!
*****
A: hi, Mom!
Me: hi, A! I love you!
A (smiles sweetly): I love chips!
*****
A: Mom?
Me: yes, A?
A: no, I’m talking to DAD.
*****
(After Dave agreed to share a few sips of his Powerade)
A: You can have the rest, Dad.
Dave (reaches back to take the bottle): aw, thank you, A. That was so nice of you to save some for–
Recently – and for the first time since February 2020 – we left the state! We drove out to Baltimore to visit dear family friends after several COVID-spoiled attempts the past 2 summers. It was a wonderful trip with some of our all-time favorite people, but in order to get there, we had to pack all 4 boys, ourselves, and loads of gear into our car and drive 8.5 hours out (& back). I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was totally manageable and only took about 10. That said, let’s be real: things do tend to run more smoothly when you start planning weeks in advance and are effectively packed up 6 days before departure.
For the record, here’s what made the cut and saved the day:
SNACKS
- Clementines. Pre-peel, dole out.
- Applesauce pouches.
- Dry goods: goldfish, granola bars, mini beef sticks, raisins.
- Mystery packs: one random assortment of something special in a pack (we did pretzels and a couple of gummies) – part of the novelty buys time as well as fills them up.
- Food as a bribe: we used the opportunity to pick a treat at a rest stop as motivation to make good on potty promises.
AMUSEMENTS (rationed by me)
- Melissa & Doug water wow books — for the biggies & for Scooch.
- Travel-friendly writing tools — white boards for the biggies, a magnetic board for Scooch.
- Reusable sticker packs – not so sticky they get stuck all over the car, and relatively resistant to Scooch tearing them apart.
- Honorable mention: I stashed this I Spy game thinking it could be used to unite the group — eg settle a squabble with a challenge to spy 10 of the prompts in order to win all of us s treat. We didn’t end up needing it but I’m confident I could hype it up to buy an hour or even two.
- MVP: we brought the boys’ Yoto player (a screen-less, ad-free audio device that you can load up with cards to play different songs, stories, or games and then let the kids control) & bought them a few new cards to keep them occupied in the “quiet” times we tried to reserve for people who wanted to nap (which is to say, no one but the infant).
WHAT I WOULD CHANGE FOR NEXT TIME
- Reduce the volume of snacks – I packed envisioning us powering through long legs of the journey, but you can’t go that long without stopping for the baby’s sake and because the other boys simply need opportunities to hit the restroom. You can pick up plenty of snacks or meals en route.
- Forgo the busy board – not only because our 2-year-old genuinely can’t manage some of the mechanics of these buckles & they’d be only moderately entertaining for the older boys, but because the last thing I should’ve been promoting is more practice unbuckling himself in a moving vehicle (*face palm*).
- Mount a garbage bag on the seat-back of the 2nd row so the 3rd row (our older 2) could reach it. I tried pretty pointedly to minimize mess-making, but knew what an oversight I’d made when my fingers closed around the mound of still-damp tissues from J’s runny nose over the course of the drive.
Eggo’s chocolate chip waffles are the breakfast MVPs of minimal mess. Almost 0 crumbs and don’t require syrup or utensils.
You heard it here first.
- I just listened to the fantastic “But Why” podcast episode: “How Are Babies Made?” Listing this here partly because it’s worth re-sharing, and partly because I want to come back to it later to answer more questions. Simple and inclusive answers to the baby-making questions from kids.
- And once the baby is here… “the Myth of the Instant Family.” I love any and all attempts to capture the emotional complexity of motherhood, particularly in those vulnerable first days with your baby. This sentiment could have been plucked from my own brain:
“What I really wanted to write on that birth announcement was, “I love my daughter, I am so grateful she is healthy and safe, but I miss my husband terribly. There is a hole in my heart where our twosome once was. What have we done?” - Then again, on the topic of husbands… made me laugh more than once.
