ALTERNATIVE TITLE: MY RETURN TO WORK.

I’ve been back at work for 9 business days now. This includes:

• — 41 hours spent on video calls or in-person meetings — compared to my daily 18 minutes of adult interaction at the bus stop
• — 3 x meetings with video off while pumping after they were scheduled directly on top of my “DNS – Mother’s Room” holds
• — 2 x alarms set for 5:45 on the days Dave was traveling and I had to get boys up, dressed, fed, and in the car to drive to the bus at 7:30, to get to daycare drop-off before 8, to hit the road in time to be at a 9am meeting in the office — my first time there since we were sent home in March 2020

Fast forward to tonight. I went out to a fantastic dinner with a couple of girl friends and they were asking about the transition back. Here’s what I told them:

Let’s not bury the lede. I am so happy to be back. I am excited for the new role I accepted after interviewing during my leave. I am humbled by my new team’s culture of support and resilience in difficult times for our industry, and the clear commitment to our relationships with our clients. I am beyond energized to work with my new boss — a powerhouse aerospace engineer turned product designer turned business leader and all-around wonderful person. I am grateful to have genuinely interesting anecdotes and interpersonal updates to tell Dave as we prep dinner. I can almost physically see the mental growth happening as I’m challenged to soak up all the content being thrown at me and contextualize it in meaningful ways. All that said…

Clearly I need to re-build my mental stamina because:

1. Two nights this week I went to bed shortly after 8 and fell asleep with the lights on and book-in-hand because my brain was evidently just waiting till it was safe to fully check-out.
   
2. It’s hard to confidently take on the the day when you hear yourself say things like, “sorry; he’s cranky because he’s been up since 5” to the daycare teacher during a teary 8am drop-off, knowing full well that means you will be starting your work day having already been awake and “on” for 4 hours.
   
3. The waiter handed me my bill tonight on a small tray, with a polished, brown stone serving as a paperweight. I thanked him and immediately tried to take a bite of the stone, assuming it must be some small chocolate dessert.

All this to say, I guess I’ll be prioritizing sleep and not much else in the coming weeks.