(AS OBSERVED FROM A HOUSE FULL OF TINY MEN, OVER BREAKFAST)
Me: today is International Women’s Day, boys! Do you all know what IWD is all about?
Boys: *shaking heads while consuming their way through the better part of a loaf of cinnamon toast*
Me: IWD is about celebrating the power and contributions of all the women around you. You guys know a lot of amazing women, don’t you?
Boys: yeah!
Me: like who?
J: you!
O: Gigi!
J: Ethan’s mom!
A: Aunt Erin!
Dave, walking into the room: but who is your favorite international woman today?!
O: Minnie Mouse!!
A few hours later, over a morning coffee chat with some distinguished international women in my professional world, I joked about starting my day with this moment of celebration and humility with my sons.
But then one of my colleagues quipped, “hey, Minnie is an international icon, small business owner, and entrepreneur; Happy Helpers anyone? Your son is onto something.”
Another woman chimed in, “yeah — plus she has a female business partner… and does it all in heels.”
Happy International Women’s Day, everyone.
Related: 3 ways I’ve tried to be intentional with my sons // The Ford Explorer: Men’s Only Edition (audio or sub-titles on!)
I’ve been absent the last few weeks, determined to neglect my laptop during my time off work over the holidays. By now, there are too many stories to rehash, so by way of a desire to recap, here are a handful of highlights:
- 1. As testament to the contagious enthusiasm of his vocal stylings, A sang “I am a Pizza” so many times over his McDonald’s lunch that a table of 3 adult men good-naturedly joined in on the song as we exited.
- 2. I celebrated my 1,000th Peloton ride. It’s arbitrary in the scheme of things, but was fun to mark the occasion with a few people
crazysupportive enough to set their alarms on a Saturday morning to do a 75 minute endurance live ride. - 3. J, O, and I burnt the entirety of our arcade card balances on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle game one afternoon. It was a total nail-biter at the end with HP and credits running low, but we defeated all the bosses, triumphed over Shredder himself, and then spent our tickets on Pop Rocks and Fun Dip. I don’t normally buy myself in when we play, but I am so glad I was part of this epic victory. On the other hand, J required my help buckling his seat in the car afterwards as he was despondent — convinced that his arm was broken from all the button smashing.
- 4. A bowled his first strike! That same game, O’s slow rolling finally caught up with him and we had to ask for help when his ball managed to stall entirely two thirds down the lane. Fortunately neither boy is terribly invested in competition yet, so they both remained sportsmanly.
- 5. Our neighbors invited J and me over for a midday play date (O invited himself along) with a few other friends. The host joked that she pumps “casino air” into the basement so the boys can remain down there for hours. While they played, one of the moms remarked that between us 4, we have fourteen boys. Naturally, the couple of hours trading stories are intensely reassuring to my sense of whether my home’s state of “ambient chaos” is normal.
- 6. I sent the ping below to Dave when we were (again) spending the better part of an afternoon at the library. What can I say? I’m a woman of simple taste.
- 7. Our 2023 New Year celebration consisted of 3 memorable (& largely “on brand”) moments:
7a. We attended a NYE bash at the library, counting down to noon with crafts, music, and dancing. Visiting my elderly neighbor that evening, she had the local news playing in the background and I spotted my sons’ TV debuts.
7b. We “counted down” to what ended up being 6:53pm ET with a recording of the Sydney fireworks. We cheers’d with Propel, sparking juice, water, and champagne. Our “please be careful not to spill!” warning was effective for precisely the amount of time it took for O to excitedly take his cup, stand up off the couch, and slosh the cider over onto the fabric.
7c. A quiet moment of reflection and gratitude with Dave after the boys were asleep.
Happy new year. May 2023 bring more of what lights you up, particularly if it involves springing for an arcade card for yourself.
Related: more family Ninja Turtling // ride #600: 18 months and 1 baby ago.
On the topic of kids’ allowances, I wish I had a stronger opinion about its purpose and value. Should it be associated with their contributions to the household workload? Should it be correlated to academic achievement? Should it be provided irrespective of a child’s actions entirely, an exercise in and of itself to promote financial education and responsibility?
There’s benefit in any number of scenarios, but in our home, we ultimately opted for the 3rd value proposition of financial savviness facilitated by a weekly allowance starting when the boys are young. The weekly amount is split equally into 3 parts: money to spend, money to save (college funds), and money to give. We therefore close the year by offering them 3 nonprofit options for which they may donate their “give” funds.
Before they’re old enough to start making their own suggestions, here’s what we had on this year’s menu:
- Clean Air Task Force: this US-based NGO has a strong track record of success in campaigns reducing pollution, limiting CO2 emissions, and establishing regulations for the long-term benefit of the climate. More than that, it conducts high quality research, targets emission or decarbonization efforts often neglected by other organizations, and has been expanding to operate in global markets. Importantly: about 35% of climate philanthropy goes to the US and 10% to Europe, which together represent only ~15% of future emissions. China gets <6% of global climate philanthropy, despite being the world’s largest emitter.
We voiced over to the boys as “this is a really effective organization that works to protect the planet and ensure there’s a healthy climate for all of us for years to come.” - Everytown for Gun Safety: what started as a grassroots movement has grown into 10 million supporters. The goal is simple: save lives by ending gun violence in America through research, policy, litigation, and advocacy. I hesitated to include this one. My desire is to shield my sons for as long as possible from this topic. But our local high schools – like many others by now – recently resigned themselves to changing student bathroom policies (reduced access, increased surveillance) after several consecutive weeks of shut-downs and event cancellations following school shooter threats found in the restrooms. Dave and I ultimately decided this gun safety is an issue that will (does) affect their lives in a very direct way, and it seems fair to give them an option to advocate for change.
We voiced over as “this group aims to create and promote more common sense gun policies that keep people safe.” - C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital: the #1 children’s hospital in Michigan, among the nation’s best overall, top 10 in the country for pediatric cardiology and heart surgery, and a teaching hospital promoting increasing expertise supporting children for years to come through learning and research. When we thought about causes that would speak to our sons, children’s medicine ranked high — and “Mott’s” is the perfect combination of causes, efficacy, and “in your own backyard.”
We voiced this over as “Do you guys remember when O went to the hospital last year? Well, that hospital is among the best in the country taking care of kids who are sick or hurt, and also conducts really valuable research about medicine and ways to prevent sicknesses for kids.”
Not surprisingly, all causes were so compelling that the boys opted to split their funds and contribute to all 3. It may still be a bit beyond them to conceptualize what it means to “donate” to these organizations, but it certainly does my mother’s heart good to know my kids have contributed – however generally – to causes that protect their futures.
celebrating five
solar revolutions with
revolving sushi.
Every other Friday, our home is visited by a magical person.
She is kind.
She brings her own vacuum.
She is non-judgmental, and even when I try to apologize for the state of [insert messiest room du jour here], she just smiles, “you have 4 boys!”
She is Ms. Laurie. She cleans our house, and we appreciate her work enormously for the 5 hours before the boys return home and effectively negate her efforts.
But before every other Friday, there is every other Thursday, when we get serious with the boys about their (theoretically nightly) pickup duties. Tonight was no exception.
How Sisyphean is this task, you wonder? Well, I’ll show you.
First, there is this: our eldest two — our supposedly most independent and helpful two — spontaneously hanging upside-down from the couch, only half dressed but of course wearing superhero masks, instead of picking up the (disastrous) living room as instructed 15 minutes prior.
Next, one of many handfuls of tchotchkes I retrieved from their bedrooms. The motivation [read: threat] is often “if you don’t pick it up, Mom gets to throw it away,” and the items like these — trinkets from Boo baskets, or party favors, or wherever else… are often abandoned and therefore go the way of Friday’s garbage pickup.
Finally, this. Just when you think the rooms are “good enough,” and you divert your attention to getting boys in pajamas or putting the baby down… a certain 3-year-old rips open a brand new bag of cereal and successfully uses it as a construction “dig site.”
But I’m telling you, those 5 truly clean hours on every other Friday… magic.
Related: a brilliant hack to *keep* your bathrooms clean for company // plus Sunday “get stuff done” day.
A conversation I had at least a dozen times while trick-or-treating:
Neighborhood kid: what are you dressed up as, Ms. Kel?
Me: April O’Neil!
Neighborhood kid: …ohh… is that… is that the… girl?
Me: yes. Yes, I’m the token girl. This is my life.
Related: how *should* neighborhood kids refer to adults? // our favorite Halloween decor is still a hit even if J insists our house is “embarrassed” by the more committed neighbors in our circle…
THE “WHATCHA BEEN UP TO?” EDITION
It’s been a few weeks since my last post, so by way of explanation, I offer my readership (all 3 of you) a glimpse into quotes from the recent past.
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Me: O, stop hitting your brother with your Thor hammer.
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O, observing his feet stacked on top of each other as we read before bed: this foot is kind of like a volcano. And this one is like lava.
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Dave, hastily removing the faux nunchaku and tossing them in the closet: no weapons unless you can use them responsibly, boys.
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O: I love frosting; it’s like a blanket. Except you don’t go through it.
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Me: so let me get this straight. Your dad made you a delicious filet mignon and you consumed it in order to… qualify for a post-dinner hot dog?
J: …yeah.
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Me: A, put that down! Your dump truck is NOT a weapon.
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Otherwise spending no less than thirty-five minutes at daycare pickup as I had already snagged J & O from school first and therefore brought them in to pick up the little bros. Literally every. single. boy. had to have a bowel movement during the pickup process, and one of them clogged the toilet with his over-zealous toilet paper tendencies. But fear not: the daycare director, upon realizing I was still there 30+ minutes after I originally said my hellos in the lobby, assured me it was not a big deal to clog the toilet. After all, she said, when A did it just last week and flooded the hallway, they had cleaned it up no problem, so this clogging solved with a simple plunge was truly no biggie.
*****
Related: more O similes // A on a roadtrip.
Awhile back, I read this guest post on CupofJo.com: 21 Complete Subjective Rules for Raising Teenage Boys. It’s funny and sweet, but strangely enough, one of the tips that I ended up finding most salient is the one I quoted in my title:
Pick your battles. Personal style is a pretty low-stakes form of self-actualization; if the way they wear their hair or jeans (hello, bum crack!) is not your very favorite, complain about it to a friend.
– Catherine Newman
My boys are young and easy-going as clothes go, happy to throw on whatever is on top of their clean clothes stacks in their drawers, and generally acquiescing to my suggestions for length of pants or shirt sleeves per the changing temperatures during Michigan’s fall.
But today, I had to photo-document. Not only did J & O dress themselves in these outfits, but they were, in fact, pleased enough with their selections that they made a point to highlight them to me over breakfast.
Featured on J: Paw Patrol sweatpants, an under tee, Mickey sweatshirt, and a pizza print button-down collared shirt.
Featured on O: a Star Wars tee, his favorite pineapple-wearing-sunglasses button-down shirt, and his speedy light-up shoes.
Personal style. It begins.