Yesterday I took all 3 boys with me to the grocery and, walking around pretty aggressively pregnant, I received the following question from strangers no less than five times during this single outing:

“You going for your girl now??”

Now, we don’t actually know what we’re having with this pregnancy, but obviously we’re having a boy. I answer this harmless query pretty good-naturedly live, but here, for the record, is why I think that question should be eradicated from the public’s stock pregnancy conversational repertoire: 

1. I can’t help but wonder if the person asking knows that — barring pretty extensive medical intervention — a person does not, in fact, get to choose their baby’s sex. I flash back to 7th grade Sex Ed, when I found out what was involved in conception and chromosomal combinations that determine a baby’s sex, but then remember that the very topic of Sex Ed itself is contentious nationally today. I seriously contemplate sending them a number of informative YouTube videos that might be genuinely illuminating. 4 full seconds later they’re still smiling waiting on my answer and I am adrift in concern for the well-being of America’s sexually active and potentially equally ignorant youth.
   
   
2. Assuming they do, in fact, know the first point, they also should know that there are ~50/50 odds of either sex, so “going for” one or the other is a dangerous game to play if you have strong feelings about the outcome because it’s not even remotely in your control. In fact, the statistical probability of having the opposite sex actually decreases after having 2 of the same sex and trends down with each successive pregnancy (“sperm natural selection” as it’s referred to between paternal and maternal environmental survivability factors means it’s not a coin flip for baby #3 & onward once you’ve had the same sex).
   
   
3. In my case, clearly I only make one kind of baby. I happen to think it’s a damn good model. I am so convinced of that, in fact, that I am willing to procreate again. (This is usually the answer I say out loud.)

One of my friends met a pregnant mother at a preschool orientation recently who reminded her of me. The woman introduced herself to the class with a preemptive strike: “Hi, I’m so-&-so. Names/ages of 3 girls, & I’m having a 4th girl in August. No, we weren’t going for a boy. Yes, my husband is happy. No, we aren’t having more.” I think she’s onto something with this approach — though I admit that at least with sons, I don’t get questions about my husband’s satisfaction with our family (yeeeeeesh).

Don’t get me wrong: I’m confident that little girls are wonderful as well. And I suspect there’s not even much of a difference between the two sexes for the first many months other than I don’t think you’d get peed on quite as frequently as you do with infant boys during middle-of-the-night diaper changes. But you better believe there’s a part of me that bristles at the idea that I would be anything other than thrilled to have another wonderful boy like the 3 we have already.

Whether this baby is a boy or girl, I know this for sure: they will be raised with an abundance of vehicle-related toys because there’s not much space left in our play room for representation of new interests, so we will be exploiting the joy of the grocery car cart for many years to come.