The more time we spend as parents, the more often I catch myself watching Dave with the boys, thinking about how deeply endearing it is that the same young man I found so intimidatingly witty, so intellectually captivating, so absurdly handsome 14 years ago — the man that I married — is now the father to my sons. And, dare I say, how often that mental train of thought is followed by a wave of validation: damn right he’s knocking fatherhood out of the park in a fashion equally as impressive as anyone who knows him is accustomed to.

There are many ways in which Dave sets a wonderful example for our sons… around work ethic, self-care, environmentalism, compassion for others, generosity (just to name a few)… but these particular aspects of his style of “dadding” are my personal favorites:

1. Credit-less care: I am not exaggerating when I say that Dave has more raw intelligence than perhaps anyone I’ve ever met. He has a post-graduate degree. He works as an officer in a financial company and has to be available at essentially any time of the day, any day of the week. So it’s all the sweeter to me that he also painstakingly reassembles and glues the broken tail of J’s styrofoam plane after its crash landing, or creates a tension-based repair solution for O’s “special ring” (dentist prize) after it was left out and stepped on, or reattaches the lift-the-flap pages from “Where’s Spot” after too many enthusiastic reads by A. He does these types of things shortly after bedtime so the glue can dry by the time the boys wake up, and they are reliably elated. Unless I catch the exchange and make a point to acknowledge what he’s done for them, the boys rarely question how their possessions seem to miraculously rebound from the brink of certain doom (the garbage). He does this — this unasked, unexpected, credit-less care — in a thousand different ways throughout the year. I can only imagine all the things that even I don’t notice.
   
   
2. Physicality of play: this dynamic I don’t think is unique to our family, but I appreciate it nevertheless. I love that Dave’s style of play with our boys is so different from – and incremental to – my own. We went sledding last winter at some nearby sand dunes. I climbed maybe 25% of the way up the hill, thought that was plenty high, and started stabilizing my sled to have a boy join me to sled down, only to realize that Dave had continued the march upward until they reached the very top. The experience of Dad pushing the tire swing vs Mom is not even close anymore (and probably explains why they don’t ask me if Dad’s nearby…). J had only just mastered the monkey bars last fall when Dave demonstrated how one can also climb on top of them. Years ago, Dave read an article about how dads tend to stop being affectionate with sons around the age of 2, despite the fact that sons still need the physical affirmations as much as daughters for many years afterwards. So the physicality of play and affection also extends to everyday interactions, and creates this incredibly warm sense of heart in the core of our home.
   
   
3. Quality of leisure time: give Dave a 2-hour block of 1:1 time with his son, and he will turn it into a memory they’ll talk about for months. He will turn uncommitted time into a child-paced walk around a downtown, a bike ride to somewhere novel, lunch out someplace special. Contrary to how someone else (not pointing any fingers here, just hypothetically speaking, I assure you…) might approach those 2 hours, however, where she is compulsively compelled to also fit in something like a pit-stop at the library to return books, or lunch as restricted to being near a store that she has to run an errand at anyway, or just trying to hype-up an otherwise pretty standard grocery excursion… Dave is strictly motivated by the joint leisure time. The drive is spent listening to music selected to the son’s taste (which they then request during car rides for weeks afterward). Waiting for the meal is spent playing games on the back of the restaurant place mat. There’s somehow always an opportunity for ice cream or Slurpees or poppities afterward. J came home with his “journal” from junior kindergarten, and a number of the pages with prompts like “what did you do over the weekend” featured answers around simply being with his dad — in the hammock, playing, lying in the grass and looking at “clowds.” In our increasingly busy microcosm, the little moments of focused attention shine – and matter. And Dave makes the most of them.

And, of course, I’d be remiss to exclude what is evidently key, touted by many: “the most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother.” If that’s the gold standard, then I am particularly happy to report that 14 years after this witty, captivating, handsome man first told me he loves me, our children have their most important bases covered.

Happy Father’s Day, Dave.