“How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?” a new friend asked me recently. We traded rituals and I silently celebrated finding a kindred spirit when she confessed she too never woke up early to make pink pancakes or cut her kids’ sandwiches into heart shapes. Further, our resident Elves on Shelves also strictly move from tree to mantle and back again (we made a mental note to have our boys hang out more next December so they don’t accrue higher expectations from friends with more creative parents).
No, for my kids, I do some sweets and simple cards (this year homemade as I couldn’t justify $12 in cards when 3/4 of my kids are not yet literate).
But one tradition I do stand by, particularly for those of us celebrating with someone decidedly difficult to buy for, is the “Day of Dave.” For almost 15 years now, I have “gifted” Dave the promise of one day that is specifically about what he wants to do. On these days, we may eat an enormous batch of homemade crepes for breakfast. We may finally watch the show he’s convinced I would like if I just gave it a chance (and I then save my honest reviews for the following morning). We may visit Costco to purchase our first “big kid” TV after our first years as newlyweds with a big, boxy, low resolution hand-me-down and its faulty remote. We may bring our kids to celebrate (2021), or we may develop better judgment and leave them at home (2022).
For any of you looking for last-minute gifts for your significant other (romantic or otherwise!), it’s not too late to gift them a day of choose-your-own-indulgence. You heard it here first.
Related: another love hack: when a lousy roommate might save your marriage // overheard: things I need to communicate to my husband
I’ve been absent the last few weeks, determined to neglect my laptop during my time off work over the holidays. By now, there are too many stories to rehash, so by way of a desire to recap, here are a handful of highlights:
- 1. As testament to the contagious enthusiasm of his vocal stylings, A sang “I am a Pizza” so many times over his McDonald’s lunch that a table of 3 adult men good-naturedly joined in on the song as we exited.
- 2. I celebrated my 1,000th Peloton ride. It’s arbitrary in the scheme of things, but was fun to mark the occasion with a few people
crazysupportive enough to set their alarms on a Saturday morning to do a 75 minute endurance live ride. - 3. J, O, and I burnt the entirety of our arcade card balances on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle game one afternoon. It was a total nail-biter at the end with HP and credits running low, but we defeated all the bosses, triumphed over Shredder himself, and then spent our tickets on Pop Rocks and Fun Dip. I don’t normally buy myself in when we play, but I am so glad I was part of this epic victory. On the other hand, J required my help buckling his seat in the car afterwards as he was despondent — convinced that his arm was broken from all the button smashing.
- 4. A bowled his first strike! That same game, O’s slow rolling finally caught up with him and we had to ask for help when his ball managed to stall entirely two thirds down the lane. Fortunately neither boy is terribly invested in competition yet, so they both remained sportsmanly.
- 5. Our neighbors invited J and me over for a midday play date (O invited himself along) with a few other friends. The host joked that she pumps “casino air” into the basement so the boys can remain down there for hours. While they played, one of the moms remarked that between us 4, we have fourteen boys. Naturally, the couple of hours trading stories are intensely reassuring to my sense of whether my home’s state of “ambient chaos” is normal.
- 6. I sent the ping below to Dave when we were (again) spending the better part of an afternoon at the library. What can I say? I’m a woman of simple taste.
- 7. Our 2023 New Year celebration consisted of 3 memorable (& largely “on brand”) moments:
7a. We attended a NYE bash at the library, counting down to noon with crafts, music, and dancing. Visiting my elderly neighbor that evening, she had the local news playing in the background and I spotted my sons’ TV debuts.
7b. We “counted down” to what ended up being 6:53pm ET with a recording of the Sydney fireworks. We cheers’d with Propel, sparking juice, water, and champagne. Our “please be careful not to spill!” warning was effective for precisely the amount of time it took for O to excitedly take his cup, stand up off the couch, and slosh the cider over onto the fabric.
7c. A quiet moment of reflection and gratitude with Dave after the boys were asleep.
Happy new year. May 2023 bring more of what lights you up, particularly if it involves springing for an arcade card for yourself.
Related: more family Ninja Turtling // ride #600: 18 months and 1 baby ago.
Over the weekend, my lifelong friend, Marissa, texted me:
“What kinda stuff did you get the boys for Christmas? My kids do not need more Legos or vehicles of any kind.”
I feel this. After the excitement of the holidays and the joy of gifting to little kids who are so easy to please simply with the novelty of any new toy, moms across the world stare dejectedly at their once-attempted toy storage solutions, realizing they are nowhere near up to the task. What are the gifts that are not simply going to be new versions of things they already have, or difficult to store or keep organized together, or be used for 30 minutes and then put in a toy donation box by next holiday season after we have proven countless times that none of us can reliably keep track of the USB charger specific to this RC toy??
My response to Marissa:
- Our big ticket item for the boys to share: a Melissa and Doug play store (but purchased on sale awhile back from a retailer). Our boys are obsessed with commerce this past year and setting up “shops” where they sell their brothers’ toys back to them. Apart from a few other books or games, we’re going light on gifts, but here are a few other ideas:
- Eric Carle and Bombas did a cute collaboration, or last year I got the boys Bombas slippers for the winter
- Scratch and sketch games and puzzle books
- These darling kids’ wallets (see point 1)
- Books you can’t rent from the library that speak to your kids’ passions, like the Ultimate Construction Site Book for A, or a sensory “Poke a Dot” book for C, who loves chiming in with “EIEIO” when someone starts “Old MacDonald”
- Games! J is eager to start playing Catan with us, and we’ve gotten a lot of hours from classics like Battleship, or this fun cooperative game, Outfoxed!
- Stocking stuffers: I always go with Mr. Bubbles and other bath supplies (foam soap, bath crackles) in the “consumable” vein
Any other brilliant ideas, please comment below!
Happy holidays and godspeed to anyone still trying to conduct covert toy purges without their children noticing.
Related: 2021 Christmas gift ‘hit list’ // when you need a toy purge so badly that you spend your precious adult time conducting one.
On the topic of kids’ allowances, I wish I had a stronger opinion about its purpose and value. Should it be associated with their contributions to the household workload? Should it be correlated to academic achievement? Should it be provided irrespective of a child’s actions entirely, an exercise in and of itself to promote financial education and responsibility?
There’s benefit in any number of scenarios, but in our home, we ultimately opted for the 3rd value proposition of financial savviness facilitated by a weekly allowance starting when the boys are young. The weekly amount is split equally into 3 parts: money to spend, money to save (college funds), and money to give. We therefore close the year by offering them 3 nonprofit options for which they may donate their “give” funds.
Before they’re old enough to start making their own suggestions, here’s what we had on this year’s menu:
- Clean Air Task Force: this US-based NGO has a strong track record of success in campaigns reducing pollution, limiting CO2 emissions, and establishing regulations for the long-term benefit of the climate. More than that, it conducts high quality research, targets emission or decarbonization efforts often neglected by other organizations, and has been expanding to operate in global markets. Importantly: about 35% of climate philanthropy goes to the US and 10% to Europe, which together represent only ~15% of future emissions. China gets <6% of global climate philanthropy, despite being the world’s largest emitter.
We voiced over to the boys as “this is a really effective organization that works to protect the planet and ensure there’s a healthy climate for all of us for years to come.” - Everytown for Gun Safety: what started as a grassroots movement has grown into 10 million supporters. The goal is simple: save lives by ending gun violence in America through research, policy, litigation, and advocacy. I hesitated to include this one. My desire is to shield my sons for as long as possible from this topic. But our local high schools – like many others by now – recently resigned themselves to changing student bathroom policies (reduced access, increased surveillance) after several consecutive weeks of shut-downs and event cancellations following school shooter threats found in the restrooms. Dave and I ultimately decided this gun safety is an issue that will (does) affect their lives in a very direct way, and it seems fair to give them an option to advocate for change.
We voiced over as “this group aims to create and promote more common sense gun policies that keep people safe.” - C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital: the #1 children’s hospital in Michigan, among the nation’s best overall, top 10 in the country for pediatric cardiology and heart surgery, and a teaching hospital promoting increasing expertise supporting children for years to come through learning and research. When we thought about causes that would speak to our sons, children’s medicine ranked high — and “Mott’s” is the perfect combination of causes, efficacy, and “in your own backyard.”
We voiced this over as “Do you guys remember when O went to the hospital last year? Well, that hospital is among the best in the country taking care of kids who are sick or hurt, and also conducts really valuable research about medicine and ways to prevent sicknesses for kids.”
Not surprisingly, all causes were so compelling that the boys opted to split their funds and contribute to all 3. It may still be a bit beyond them to conceptualize what it means to “donate” to these organizations, but it certainly does my mother’s heart good to know my kids have contributed – however generally – to causes that protect their futures.
thankful for my crew
and not just because they too
don’t care for turkey.
Related: it’s a step up from last year’s frozen pizza? // (more) fancy like
A conversation I had at least a dozen times while trick-or-treating:
Neighborhood kid: what are you dressed up as, Ms. Kel?
Me: April O’Neil!
Neighborhood kid: …ohh… is that… is that the… girl?
Me: yes. Yes, I’m the token girl. This is my life.
Related: how *should* neighborhood kids refer to adults? // our favorite Halloween decor is still a hit even if J insists our house is “embarrassed” by the more committed neighbors in our circle…
tonight’s happy porch.
but because it’s michigan,
tomorrow will rain.
Related: tiny face strikes again! // Things that scare me. Still applies.
Have you heard of this tradition of Booing your neighbors? Well, we got boo’d a couple of nights ago (but first Dave was insistent that we got ding-dong-ditched, which is a funny conclusion to draw given that ~60% of our neighborhood population are generally nice kids under the age of 12).
The next evening found us at Target, hell-bent on paying forward the fun. We checked out after loading up on assorted candies, Halloween-themed cocoa bombs, chocolate-covered pretzels, bat-shaped gummies, and a haunted gingerbread house kit. As the cashier tallied the items, a single apple (which A had impulse-added to our cart) rolled slowly around, unattended on the conveyor belt.
Cashier: is this your apple?
Me, solemnly: yes, thank you. We make healthy choices in our family.
Related: no, really, we model all kinds of good nutritional practices in our home // “A” is for apple?