THE “THINGS I NEED TO COMMUNICATE TO MY HUSBAND” EDITION

*****

Me, in a moment of sincere revelation, to Dave: ah, I see. I guess I really misunderstood the sword cane value proposition.

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Me, earnestly, to Dave first thing in the morning: don’t touch that shirt on the ground; it’s all wet from when A fell in the toilet.

*****

Me, sadly: that’s the empty jelly jar from when I spilled this morning. I wasted probably 80% of it.

Dave: aw, I’m sorry, Babe. But at least it’s not the worst spill we had this morning. Actually it’s probably a distant third after the entire box of pasta and all the water.

*****

Related: Overheard: is there any amount of context that would make this make sense?