THE “INSIDE THE BRAIN OF OUR THREE YEAR OLD” EDITION

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A, upon turning 3 years old: Mommy? I’m a big boy now, so can I drive a firetruck now?

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A, apropos of absolutely nothing: Mom? I don’t see a pink garbage truck, Mom.

Me, looking around the kitchen: oh. Huh, yeah, me neither.

A, dejectedly: aww.

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“Hi Kel, it’s Jen from [daycare]. Just wanted to call and give you a heads up that A ate some chalk when he was playing outside. When his teacher went over to try to get it out of his mouth, he swallowed it. We’re giving him some liquid and he seems to be okay but he did… consume some chalk.”

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A: I want to call Gigi!

Dave: you want to call Gigi? Are you even done pooping yet though?

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A, after stubbing his toe: I hurt my… my… my foot thumb!

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A, contemplatively: mmm… which fork should I pick? This one will do.

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A: Daddy, you’re so big, like Mom! But Mom is a girl. Because Mom doesn’t have a penis anymore.

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A last week, when awoken in a 2am fit of anger: ugh! I just want someone to turn me into a dinosaur!

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Today in the living room, which is completely void of other company or noise; just the two of us:

A: Mom?
Me: *sipping a drink, turns to look directly at him*
A: Mom?
Me: *lowers drink, pointedly staring at him*
A: Mom?
Me: *continues staring, now smirking as I’m committed to see how far this will go, nods to offer every non-verbal cue that he has my attention*
A: …Mom?
Me: *sighs* yes, A?
A: Mom? I think maybe we should watch Frosty the Snowman again.

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Related: overheard on a road trip with A // overheard and in the bathroom.