THE “WHAT HAPPENS IN THE BATHROOM OUGHT TO STAY IN THE BATHROOM” EDITION

With 4 small children, let’s be real: a lot of our household’s goings-on revolve around – ahem – “bio breaks” (as they’re called in the corporate world).

*****

A, while actively pooping on the potty: I like your brown* eyes, Mom. I like your eyes.

January, 2022, 2 years old
*I have decidedly blue eyes

*****

Me, from the kitchen, loudly calling to C in a high, sing-song voice as he scoots around the living room making faces and grunting noises: what are you doing?? Are you pooping, little love? Are you pooping??

A, from somewhere far in the distance, also loudly but in a suspiciously strained tone: yeah.

July 2022, 3 years old

*****

Me: *closes door to the bathroom*

A, immediately following, from the hallway: Mom! Where are you, Mom?!

Me: I’m going to the bathroom. Just a minute, please!

O, knocking on the door: Mom?? Are you in there??

Me: yes, boys, I’m going to the bathroom. Can I have a little privacy, please? I’ll be out in just a moment.

(not even 2 seconds later)

A, forcibly rattling the handle of the bathroom door: but why are you not done yet, Mom?!

July 2022, 3 + 4 years old