Let’s start with the most important point: in this baby-making season of life, I’ve become far more aware of other people’s experiences conceiving (or not), feeling healthy and supported (or not), carrying to term (or not). There’s so much you can’t control, so much that you don’t know about your own body until it’s tested in this unique way, and no shortage of unprecedented scenarios that come up during the process to keep you humble to the fact that even if things appear to be going “as planned,” your world can turn upside down in an instant.

All that to say, I am currently pregnant with our 4th baby, and I am profoundly grateful for my almost entirely unearned privilege of having pleasant, uneventful pregnancies.

By the numbers, however, Dave & I realized recently how comical the breakdown of time looks during this chapter of our lives. Since J was conceived in fall 2014:

1. I have been pregnant for 3 years, nursed for 2.5 years, and therefore had just 15 glorious months when my body was not quite so directly responsible for another living being.
   
   
   
   
2. As a result of point 1, I have fluctuated in weight from my former (pre-pregnancy) average, ranging from -15 lbs to +40 lbs. I have spent so little time at what might be my “normal” size in the past 6.5 years, frankly, that I’m not even sure what my body’s dimensions technically are anymore. Thoughts and prayers go out to my credit card bill when I officially retire my maternity + nursing clothes & restock my “solo” wardrobe.
   
   
3. I have received the recommended 3rd trimester Tdap vaccine 4 x in 6 years, whereas the normal booster cadence is 1 x every 10 years. I am pretty convinced at this point that if I were to step on a nail, the nail would simply melt under the strength of my juiced up tetanus immuno-response.

Jokes aside, I really enjoy being pregnant, I have minimal qualms with nursing, and I made a deal with myself years ago to be more appreciative of my body after seeing it demonstrate what it can do (on autopilot, nonetheless!) in the most critical moments I needed it to perform. But I’m simultaneously looking forward to the fact that when Dave & I are ready to close this chapter of creating incremental life in the world, I’ll be able to enjoy the silver lining of having my body back to myself. Maybe this time wearing a new, well-fitted bra. And definitely while enjoying a glass of wine.